preordained
by Zerovk
Summary: Isn't there more to love than life and death ? Kanamexzero kxz


The walk feels longer than it usually is .. Maybe because I no longer have someone to share it with .

.

.

.

.

Sometimes it gets terribly annoying when you don't exactly enjoy one of your lover's friends company , so much that you find trouble tolerating them but in the end , you try your best -out of consideration for your loved one- .

Kuran Kaname was currently facing something close to what we could call " a dilemma " regarding that issue . He seriously hated that guy's sense of humor .

Kaito takamiya is one of Zero's friends .

Let us rephrase ..

Kaito Takamiya is one of Zero's friends that Kaname tries , to the best of his ability , to tolerate -for the sake of his lover- .

" Do we really have to go ? " Kaname almost petulantly clung to the rug , as though the only way to get him to move would be by dragging him , quite literally .

Perhaps it was strange .

The silverette knew his lover didn't really enjoy Kaito's company but well .. Zero couldn't break up with his lover and neither could he stop being friends with Kaito , no matter how silly his jokes may get .

A deep sigh , that seemed much more like a mother's , escaped Zero's cupid lips as he started rubbing his temple .

This could go on the whole day and the silver haired male wasn't willing to miss out on yet another outing just because his lover couldn't stand his friend .

 _They are gonna get along whether they like it or not ._ Zero decided .

" This could go in two different ways and I will end up winning no matter what . you know that , Kaname . " He spoke up truthfully , now absentmindedly picking on his nails .

He would either use his greatest weapon , namely his puppy eyes , or threaten to sulk and deprive the elder of their heated make out sessions . Zero got him where he wanted and both of them knew that when Kaname let out a defeated whine .

. 

.

.

.

Throughout the whole ride , Kaname couldn't help but feel put off . He really wasn't looking forward to the rest of the day .

 _What if something happened and the outing got canceled ?_ Oh how he wished anything would happen and save him the pain of socializing with that insufferable brat . It would be great if he ended up spending the day with Zero , alone . He was ready to go anywhere and pay whatever price but not end up stuck with that guy .

The brown haired young man cast a glance at his lover , an unconscious smile adorning his face as he got lost in thoughts , the way Zero held the steering wheel was .. sensual . It turned Kaname on every single time . _Everything about the younger did_ . He needed to find a way to make his lover change his mind . Maybe they could go back home and continue where they left that morning . A wicked smile carved itself on Kaname's face at the prospect .

As he started imagining how great it would have been , if a miracle happened and ruined the outing , he couldn't have known .. He couldn't have known what would befall them .

One moment he was humming softly and quite joyfully as he leaned over the window staring at the road , the passing cars , and the other , he heard a loud crash , perhaps that of shattering glass , and felt a strong collision at his side then the car took a full 360 turn with the younger struggling to control the steering wheel , eliciting a panic-stricken gasp out of the both of them . The action made Kaname slam against his door , his weight and the sudden turbulent turn making gravity grin smugly in satisfaction . And then - oddly enough - he felt himself out of the confines of the car he had been in less than seconds ago . To the ground , he got tossed , rolling over and over again at the harsh impact .

Zero spun his head around , not knowing where to look . When he heard his lover's scream , he instantly felt the need to confirm the other's safety but then he found the door swaying open and the moment he spun his head back to gaze at the road , fear and panic welled up inside him . He was now facing the lane he was leading seconds ago .

The brightest flash greeted his widened eyes , accompanied with loud honks almost crashing his ears . Mortification monopolized his entire being as realization sunk deep in .

He was going to collide or either .. His eyes shifted to the side of the road .. or roll down the slope of uncultivated land .

Without further delay , he pressed on the pedal and sealed his fate , eyes squeezed shut as he made sure he got no other people involved in the accident .

The car roared , as if foreseeing its own doom , rolling over and over again , harshly colliding against the ground every time it did so .

Everything smelt and felt of fire .

Zero fought hard against the intolerable heat . He heard something crackling in the background as his consciousness started slipping away the more suffocated he had gotten from inhaling too much smoke , eyes brimming with tears . The safety belt dug in his abdomen , holding him captive . It hurt .. It hurt too bad he wanted to groan in pain but nothing came out of his lips aside from disjointed frantic gasps and ragged breathing .

He had tried easing the safety belt but in vain .

Attempt after the other proved unsuccessful until he gave up , squeezed his eyes shut and drew in a shuddery breath .

His condition was rapidly worsening - brain starving for oxygen , lungs not being supplied with enough air - . He felt like they were filled with sand , nothing could come in or out .

 _Is this really the end ?_ He thought bitterly as his breathing became even harsher .

Kaname ..

Smoke Flew out of the car like missiles , and a massiveness of tainted orange consumed the air as fire ate everything in its way , living or not .

Somewhere on the ground , a considerable distance away , kaname struggled for his life . Even though the sand had cushioned the fall , he could still feel the myriad of injuries and maybe even fractures he'd been fated to suffer . He felt like his skin had been mercilessly peeled off by a rabid animal . Everything stung and the pain .. oh the pain ..

Dizzying pain ..

He felt as though his joints had been viciously ripped apart , twisted at an odd angle . He'd jarred his knees and elbows , and now every bone felt dislocated he wanted to cry out .

His muscles started twitching every so often but that wasn't the worst thing .. something was missing but he couldn't figure out what , until he realized he couldn't breathe . Something seemed to barricade the action , like some kind of inner reflex knowing better than to move . Even a simple inhaling could tremendously worsen his condition .

Zero ..

Kaname risked a move , lifting his head , trying to scan the area for his beloved , sheer willpower giving him just about enough strength to stand up on his weary legs .

He couldn't afford to lose the final remaining bits of his consciousness . Because doing so meant forfeiting Zero's life and that he couldn't afford . He couldn't live with . He wouldn't .

He took a painful step , one after the other , exerting a great deal of effort to both , stay awake and keep his balance .

When the car came in view , his hands rose to his face , eyes widening as ugly fear consumed him .

No ..

No !

ZERO !

His eyes glistened as he approached the wrenched vehicle . the way it was flipped over and alight tugging at his heartstrings , one by one .

Unsuccessfully , he tried moving the car , just enough to be able to get his unconscious lover out before the unspeakable happened , screaming and bawling his eyes out when he realized he didn't have any power left in him to lift an arm. . He sobbed , loudly , flailing his arms around .

" HELP ! " His voice cracked as he looked around , praying someone would come to their aid soon .

If the fire reached the gas tank .. Kaname shuddered .. Oh lord , help me .

He couldn't relax , not yet .

.

.

.

.

Kaname spent the first few hours after regaining consciousness numb and unresponsive , until awareness slowly started seeping in full-force , along with memories and emotions . The pain caused by his injuries manifested , demanding his full undivided attention .

 _Everything was a blurry mess and it didn't take long for it to turn into a bloody one . Then it happened , all out of the blue , and once realization dawned on him , every fibre in his being froze from the shock .. The same , however , could not be said for his heart ._

 _His pulse raced in a pace that could only be described as life threatening ._

Contrary to the common belief , Kaname couldn't recall anything , not even seconds prior to the whole thing managed to register in his fogged up , utterly weakened and throbbing brain .

Apart from the " life flashing before one's eyes experience " , He recalled nothing . He didn't how it happened ..Was it a truck nearing them ? Or a car speeding up on their right ? left maybe ?

Then the grief returned anew _.. Zero .. How .. Where ?_

Why are they making such sad faces when he mentioned him ?

" Take me to Zero .. Take me .. "

It didn't take long before he found himself being helped to reach his beloved's room .

His heart expanded and contracted at the sight of his lover , so vulnerable and almost .. lifeless .

He was told that the younger regained consciousness later than he did and that his condition wasn't as stable but Kaname chose to disregard that . People have always viewed the silver haired male as fragile but that was nowhere near the truth .. Zero Kiryuu was full of determination , full of .. The brunette paused and found his eyes moistening before the thought completed itself .. _Life_ . He let out a sob at that , tears raining down his cheeks .

" . " He crossed the room and held his lover's hand desperately .

Almond shaped violet eyes slowly greeted Kaname's teary ones .

The younger blinked few times , a weak smile adorning his features as he finally recognized the person in front of him . And when he felt Kaname's hands on his , he softly returned the affectionate gesture .

Though his vision blurred , he tried his best to focus on his lover's eyes and blocked everything else out .

He wanted his mate's beautiful eyes to be the last thing engraved in his mind , the last thing his laid on .

The soft grip he had on the elder's hands loosened and his vision darkened . His eyelids met and remained joined , slumbering for eternity . Kaname stilled , the smile he had on slowly dissipating .

Unconsciously , his hand rose to his his neck , nervously rubbing it .

Uh .. looks like Zero needed some sleep . He'd better let him be , unless he wanted his beloved to start lecturing him later on .

Nodding to himself , Kaname took in a deep breath as he made to leave but then stopped as he realized he had forgotten to give Zero a goodnight kiss .

He turned back again and lowered himself , placed a peck on the other's forehead and gently brushed his hair from his face , seeking to memorize those features before finally leaving .

.

.

.

.

He stood there , dressed in black , flanked by people who stood just like he did , morose and disbelieving .

" If I had known Zero would be the one paying for my own impulsiveness , I would have gladly welcomed each and every snide remark tossed at me . I would have curbed my childish antics .. I firmly believe I would have tolerated Kaito's existence for a lifetime , if it meant sparing zero's life . "

Kaname's tone , as serious as it was , brought a soft bittersweet smile to everyone's face , even Kaito Takamiya himself .

" Then again .. That's some wishful thinking on my part.. "

It was starting to prove difficult just breathing .. He struggled so his voice won't crack the way his heart clenched and throat closed up . He could feel his eyes moisten , yea . But strangely , he didn't end up a sobbing hysterical mess , and though the tears were that close to leaving his eyes , threatening to roll past his cheeks and offer the same treatment given to his eyes , they never did . They never fell and for that , he was grateful . As long as he had to face those words of condolences , he had to stay strong .. He had to control himself , his emotions , his tears , his rage , his loss .

.

.

.

.

.

.

Kaname sauntered down the road flanked by autumn . Flowers withered and colors drained .

He could hear the crunch of petals and leaves under his feet , the pattern of it soothing his pain a slight .

A few petals flurried when a sudden gust of wind flew past him and finally fell to the ground , littering it .

His gait came to a halt as he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes .

 _The walk feels longer than it usually is .. Maybe because I no longer have someone to share it with ._

He felt a gentle pull at his heart as he inwardly conversed with himself . Or maybe .. he wasn't alone .

If anything , kaname's conviction has become rather endearing .

 _Do not question God's will for there will never be a power more merciful than his over his creatures , nor will there ever exist a sentiment competent to the generosity bestowed on us by our creator . Do not question God's will , for we are far too small to comprehend the unalloyed wisdom behind everyone's firmly intertwined strings of fate ._

He kept repeating those words inwardly , praying for the best .

Apparently , someone had to die ..

After all , if they were fated to survive together , they would have . Simple as that .

 _Why do flowers bloom knowing they are destined to wither ?_

Perhaps the beauty of it resided in such contradictions .

Perhaps it was for the best ..

Tolerating pain was never Zero's forte .

Kaname was a bit stronger in that aspect , he could try to stay sane . He could try to move on ..

His lover though , would have spent the rest of his _**life**_ mourning over kaname's _**death**_ **.**

If Zero were to survive , he would have undoubtedly and inevitably ended up going either insane or delusional and maybe even .. suicidal .

Cringing at the thought of it alone , kaname couldn't hide how grateful he was that he had been chosen to survive , sparing his lover the pain of facing life alone .

Perhaps such was a sign , a proof of how merciful our lord truly is towards us . It goes without saying that he was definitely suffering whenever his heart yearned for his lover's company .

However , he was still grateful that the silver haired didn't live to see that , to wake up in a world devoid of his beloved ..

To that extent , Kaname was willing to go for Zero's sake .

He'd rather survive and live for the both of them , if it meant sparing the younger the grief , the pain , the loneliness .

His hand rose to his chest , a content smile on his face .

.

.

.

.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

I would like to inform you guys that my newly published works have been written a long time ago , which is why I'm capable of updating so fast . I just had to edit few parts and rephrase others . Excluding " A revenge so sweet yet so Bitter " - which I'm still working on - , the quick update advantage would apply to almost all of my new works . I hope you all enjoyed this . Have a good day/night ahead ~

XoXo


End file.
